We have already studied what the book of Proverbs teaches about our relationships with family and friends. But there are many people we interact with on a regular basis that are outside of these relationships. So let us consider the words of wisdom about our dealings with neighbors.
Do Good to Others
“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Go, and come back, and tomorrow I will give it,’ when you have it with you” (3:27-28).
There may be circumstances in which we are simply unable to do good to others. Paul told the Corinthians that God judges one’s performance of good works toward others “according to what a person has, not according to what he does not have” (2 Corinthians 8:12). But while there are legitimate reasons why a person may not be able to help his neighbor, there are other reasons that are merely excuses. One will always be able to find an excuse for refusing to do good. When we have the ability and opportunity to help others, we ought to just do it.
“Do not devise harm against your neighbor, while he lives securely beside you” (3:29).
Solomon is describing a condition in which one’s neighbor has come to trust him and feel safe living by him. In this circumstance, one must not take advantage of his neighbor’s trust . We should not be looking for opportunities when others let their guard down around us, allowing us to somehow harm or take advantage of them. We should seek to do good at all times, so that we gain our neighbor’s trust and never violate that trust.
“The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray” (12:26).
The King James Version says, “The righteous is more excellent than his neighbor.” Being “more excellent” – acting with righteousness and wisdom – allows one to be a guide to others. He sets a standard by his righteousness, showing his neighbor, both by words and actions, that path that he ought to take.
“A man who flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his steps” (29:5).
Flattery is different than a complement. A complement is praise that one deserves for his actions, character, or whatever other reason he may be receiving the complement. Flattery is praise that is undeserved and is given with an ulterior motive – to receive some undeserved favor from the one being praised. One who accepts flattery will often be susceptible to being taken advantage of by the one who flatters him.
“Deliver those who are being taken away to death, and those who are staggering to slaughter, Oh hold them back” (24:11).
It is easy to make a spiritual application from this verse that we should try to save our neighbors from sin and help them avoid judgment. This is certainly something we should do, but this verse must not be limited to that application. Doing good to one’s neighbor includes helping him in time of trouble – even in the threat of death and slaughter – to defend, protect, and save him.
“Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles; or the Lord will see it and be displeased, and turn His anger away from him” (24:17-18).
We are not to find joy in the suffering of others. Even when one is suffering on account of his own sin, we are not to rejoice over this. The consequences and punishment for sin are what Solomon refers to in this passage, as he says that our rejoicing my cause God’s “anger [to] turn away from him.” More than this, our rejoicing will cause God’s anger that was directed at our neighbor to be turned against us. This is implied in this passage, but stated explicitly elsewhere: “He who rejoices at calamity will not go unpunished” (17:5).
“Do not say, ‘Thus I shall do to him as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work’” (24:29).
This passage is the opposite of the well-known “Golden Rule” given by Jesus: “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12). Man often has a tendency to retaliate for what someone else has done to him. Yet the one who walks in wisdom will reject this carnal inclination and do good to others, regardless of how he is treated by them.
“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you” (25:21-22).
Paul quoted this passage in Romans 12:19-20 to encourage Christians to leave vengeance to God. In that passage, the apostle also quoted from the Law of Moses: “Vengeance is Mine, and retribution, in due time their foot will slip” (Deuteronomy 32:35). We should seek to do good to others, rather than take vengeance into our own hands. We can trust in God that He will handle any punishment that is necessary for the transgressor.
“When it goes well with the righteous, the city rejoices, and when the wicked perish, there is joyful shouting. By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is torn down” (11:10-11).
The righteousness of one will naturally be a benefit to others, just as a wicked man will be a detriment to others. The reason for this is that the righteous man is not focused solely on being righteous before God. Certainly, he is concerned about this. But in addition to this, he will also have his righteousness on display before others – not as a show for the praise of men, but for doing good to others.
“Do not forsake your own friend of your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away” (27:10).
The wise man counsels one to not go to his brother “in the day of calamity.” The reason for this is that his brother is “far away.” When help is urgent, there is no time to wait for aid that might come from a distant relative. It is better to have “a neighbor who is near” who would be able to come to the aid of one in distress. This verse implies that one ought to be willing to provide help to his neighbor when such help is necessary.
“He who pampers his slave from childhood will in the end find him to be a son” (29:21).
Though this verse refers to a slave, rather than a neighbor, there is an important principle contained in it about how we deal with those who are outside of our families. Doing good to others for an extended period of time will result in a close relationship being built between us and them. One should not treat others poorly, simply because they are not family. We must do good to all, including our neighbors around us.
Seek Peace
“He who loves transgression loves strife; he who raises his door seeks destruction” (17:19).
Solomon connects transgression and strife with one another. Those who are wicked are the ones who love strife. Therefore, those who are righteous ought to be striving to maintain peace with their fellow man.
“The soul of the wicked desires evil; his neighbor finds no favor in his eyes” (21:10).
Because the wicked man loves transgression and strife (17:19), he is looking for trouble. Therefore, “his neighbor finds no favor in his eyes.” One who is looking for something to criticize will find it, even if the charge is unfair. In contrast, the righteous man desires peace and goodwill among his neighbors. Therefore, he will work to maintain peace whenever such is possible.
“Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel” (20:3).
Just as the wicked man “desires evil” and is looking for some reason to be critical of his neighbor (21:10), the fool is looking for some reason to argue with his neighbor. Though there are certainly occasions that warrant honorable discussion and debate, the fool seeks to argue for the sake of arguing. The honorable course is to avoid strife whenever possible.
“Do not go out hastily to argue your case; otherwise, what will you do in the end, when your neighbor humiliates you? Argue your case with your neighbor, and do not reveal the secret of another, or he who hears it will reproach you, and the evil report about you will not pass away” (25:8-10).
Too often, men foolishly desire to make their private quarrel with a neighbor known to others. Yet when we have a complaint against someone in a personal or private matter, we ought to go to that person first and try to resolve the issue. Instead, if we immediately turn our private dispute into a public quarrel, we may be humiliated and receive reproach if we are found to be in the wrong. Better to keep private matters private whenever possible, rather than risk our own reputation and threaten any hope of future peace with our neighbor.
“A man of violence entices his neighbor and leads him in a way that is not good” (16:29).
The “man of violence” is one who seeks his neighbor’s destruction. Through evil motives and wicked scheming, he “entices his neighbor” to follow after him. The “man of violence” we be punished by the Lord (3:31-33; 21:7). His neighbor that follows him will suffer the same fate.
“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a citadel” (18:19).
It is often very difficult to repair a damaged relationship. Solomon uses the analogy of capturing a strong city to illustrate this point. Though this is a difficult task, it is easier than trying to win back one who has been offended. The “contentions” that arise between brethren “are like the bars of a citadel,” keeping out those who are unwelcome – such as the offending brother. We should take care not to damage our relationships with others. Often these severed ties are difficult to restore. Sometimes the damage is irreparable.
“Let your foot rarely be in your neighbor’s house, or he will become weary of you and hate you” (25:17).
In trying to be good neighbors, some will take it upon themselves to visit and spend time with them to show their neighbors that they value their relationship. Often this is done with the best of intentions, but Solomon offers a word of caution in this verse. What is often done with good intentions can be interpreted much differently by one’s neighbor. While it is good to be friendly, we also need to respect the privacy of others and not impose when we are unwelcome. If a neighbor to invite us into his home, we must be careful not to overstay our welcome, or else the good feelings he had for us become exhausted and he learns to resent us.
“Like one who takes a dog by the ears is he who passes by and meddles with strife not belonging to him” (26:17).
“One who takes a dog by the ears” is provoking the animal to anger and causes it to turn against him when it may have otherwise ignored him. This is the same thing that one does when he takes it upon himself to meddle in the business of others. When the meddling (often thought to be “helpful” by the meddler) is unwelcome, it will cause the ones involved in the strife to turn against him.
“Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows and death, so is the man who deceives his neighbor, and says, ‘Was I not joking?’” (26:18-19).
The word madman is from a root word which suggests the idea of being rabid or insane. Solomon describes one who is not in control of his mind, therefore the arrows he shoots, rather than hitting a target, will go in random directions, causing damage to people or things that were never intended as targets. One who deceives his neighbor, but afterward claims to have been “joking,” will cause far more damage than he intended which cannot be undone.
* * *
There will be times in which a neighbor commits wrong against us. The following passages provide instruction for such cases.
“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions” (10:12).
“A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute” (15:18).
When a neighbor sins against us, it is important that we respond appropriately. The appropriate response is not to retaliate, as this will only cause the situation to escalate. If we respond with a hot-temper and hatred, we will only make the strife worse. Instead, we ought to respond with love and patience, hoping to find a peaceful resolution. If a neighbor sins against us, escalating the tensions and strife will only drive our neighbor further into sin. By showing love and patience, we may be able to later influence him toward the ways of God.
* * *
There will also be times in which a neighbor does no wrong to us. However, too often we are tempted to treat him poorly anyway. The following passages warn against doing this.
“Do not contend with a man without cause, if he has done you no harm” (3:30).
“Do not be a witness against your neighbor without cause, and do not deceive with your lips” (24:28).
“Do not slander a slave to his master, or he will curse you and you will be found guilty” (30:10).
“He who returns evil for good, evil will not depart from his house. The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out” (17:13-14).
We must not contend with (3:30), be a witness against (24:28), or speak evil against (30:10) anyone without cause. Yes, there are times when it is necessary to contend with, testify against, and offer a report against someone. But if someone has done nothing wrong, it is foolish of us to oppose him. By returning “evil for good” in this way, we only invite trouble for ourselves, as “evil will not depart from” our houses (17:13). Solomon goes on and says, “The beginning of strife is like letting out water” (17:14). Once the floodgates are opened by our unjust accusations, it is difficult to correct the situation. If others have done no wrong, we must not turn against them.
Help the Poor
“He who despises his neighbor sins, but happy is he who is gracious to the poor” (14:21).
After noting the passages that speak of our responsibility to do good to others and seek for peace with our neighbors, the first phrase of this verse fits with those ideas. In the second part of this verse, Solomon specifically talks about one’s dealings with “the poor.” One who is gracious will be happy (blessed by God).
“One who is gracious to a poor man lends to the Lord, and He will repay him for his good deed” (19:17).
“He who is generous will be blessed, for he gives some of his food to the poor” (22:9).
One who provides help to the poor will rarely receive recompense from those whom they help. But one who gives to the poor ought not do so with the hope of receiving repayment from him. Instead, in helping the poor he “lends to the Lord.” God, who is the giver of all good things (cf. James 1:17), will “repay him for his good deed.” As with many of the proverbs, this is not to be interpreted to mean that if we use some of our money to help the poor then God will return even more money back to us. The blessings that God provides are not limited to financial and material things. God is able to bless us even after this life. Paul later told Timothy to instruct the rich to “do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is life indeed” (1 Timothy 6:18-19). The “life indeed” they were to focus on as their reward for doing good to others was eternal life.
“He who shuts his ear to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be answered” (21:13).
This is much like Jesus’ point about forgiveness: “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14-15). The same principle is used by Solomon in this passage. One who is “gracious to a poor man” will be blessed by God (19:17; 22:9). But one who refuses to help when he has the ability and opportunity to do so will be abandoned by God.
“He who oppresses the poor taunts his Maker, but he who is gracious to the needy honors Him” (14:31).
“He who mocks the poor taunts his Maker; he who rejoices at calamity will not go unpunished” (17:5).
Both the acts of oppressing and mocking the poor are like taunting God. Helping the poor honors God (14:31). Rejoicing in the plight of the poor will result in divine punishment. A few chapters later, Solomon makes a related point: “Do not rob the poor because he is poor, or crush the afflicted at the gate; for the Lord will plead their case and take the life of those who rob them” (22:22-23). God is a fair, righteous, and omniscient judge. One who abuses the poor will not escape punishment.
“He who oppresses the poor to make more for himself or who gives to the rich, will only come to poverty” (22:16).
This verse mentions two reasons for which one might oppress the poor. The first reason is to “make more for himself,” or “increase his riches” (KJV). Though the poor may not have much, one can still enrich himself by taking from them. The second reason is to give “to the rich.” A possible reason for doing this would be to gain favor with those who are rich and powerful and be able to use those connections for one’s own advantage. In either case, the wise man says that such a plan will backfire. Though he tries to become rich through the oppression of others, he “will only come to poverty.”
“A poor man who oppresses the lowly is like a driving rain which leaves no food” (28:3).
We might expect that “a poor man” would naturally sympathize with others in a condition similar to his own. Knowing that they are in similar circumstances, we might expect that he would try to help so that they could mutually benefit from one another. But some who are poor foolishly oppress others who are also poor. Those who do this are like “a driving rain which leaves no food.” Though rain will often help crops and plants to grow, a strong storm can often do more harm than good. No one is helped by such oppression; instead they are only harmed. If we find ourselves in poverty, the way to handle that condition is not to oppress others who are also poor in hopes that we might somehow lift ourselves up out of poverty. Instead, we should seek to help others, even in our poverty, so that we might lift one another up and improve the conditions of everyone.
