“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).
Marriage was instituted by God in the beginning as a blessing for mankind. Sadly, this God-ordained union between a man and a woman has been corrupted, abused, broken, and disregarded in every generation since then. We certainly see this in our society and will continue to see it as long as people ignore and reject God’s plan for marriage.
The Hebrew writer said that “marriage is to be held in honor.” To hold something in honor is to esteem it and recognize it as being valuable. The same Greek word is used to describe the “precious blood” of Christ (1 Peter 1:19) and the “precious…promises” that God has given us (2 Peter 1:4). Clearly, when we see this word being used by the New Testament writers, we are reading about something that should be treasured.
What does it mean to hold marriage “in honor”? Consider a few points:
- We should desire marriage – The Scriptures plainly depict marriage as God designed it as a gift: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). “A prudent wife is from the Lord” (Proverbs 19:14). This does not mean that every marriage is perfect or even good [we will discuss this more below]. It also does not mean that everyone will or should marry. Even still, marriage should be seen as something that is desirable.
- We should prepare for marriage – In the marriage relationship, husbands and wives have certain roles and responsibilities that are described in the Bible.* Prior to marriage, each person should be working to develop themselves so that they can be a good mate if/when the time comes when they get married.
- We should work for marriage – Marriage is a relationship, and any relationship that is going to continue requires work to maintain it and cause it to flourish. Husbands are to give themselves for their wives (Ephesians 5:25) – not just willing to die for them, but living for them every day. Likewise, a wife is to do her husband “good…all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12).
- We should protect marriage – In a culture that condones and in some cases even celebrates divorce, Christians should be working to protect their marriages and not allow anything (family, careers, affairs, etc.) to pull them apart. Even in the case when fornication is committed and Jesus gave the permission for the innocent spouse to put away the guilty mate (Matthew 19:9), that does not necessarily mean divorce is the best option. In some cases, it will be better to work to save the marriage.
- We should encourage marriage – Generally speaking, unless there is some type of “present distress” (1 Corinthians 7:26) that would make marriage inadvisable for a period of time, marriage – because it is a gift from God (Proverbs 18:22; 19:14) – should be encouraged. Regarding widows, Paul even told Timothy, “I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach” (1 Timothy 5:14). He said this because “some have already turned aside to follow Satan” (1 Timothy 5:15) and marriage – according to God’s design – was one way to encourage faithfulness.
- We should follow God’s design for marriage – Jesus made it clear that God’s design for marriage involves one man and one woman for life (Matthew 19:4-6). This was based upon God’s arrangement between Adam and Eve in the beginning (Genesis 2:24). We cannot improve upon God’s design – in marriage or in anything else.
By doing these things, we show that we value marriage properly and see it as God intends for us to see it. However, the reason why the Hebrew writer had to make such a statement calling for us to “honor” marriage is because not everyone does this. So who is guilty of dishonoring marriage?
- Those who engage in sexual activity outside of marriage – After saying that “marriage is to be held in honor,” the Hebrew writer said that God will judge those who commit fornication (Hebrews 13:4). God designed marriage to be the relationship in which a man and a woman could fulfill one another’s sexual desires (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5). Those who refuse to wait until marriage before engaging in sexual activity are dishonoring God and the gift of marriage He has given.
- Those who are not faithful in marriage – Related to the previous point, God will also judge those who commit adultery (Hebrews 13:4). This is engaging in sexual relations with someone other than the person to whom God has bound them (or they engage in such relations with someone who is bound to someone else).
- Those who put away their spouse for just any cause – The Pharisees asked Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” (Matthew 19:3). Jesus’ answer, in essence, was “no,” it is not lawful. The only exception to this was in the case of fornication (Matthew 19:9) – and even then, putting away the guilty fornicator was a permission, not a requirement. Aside from this exception, those who have left their spouse are to either “remain unmarried, or else be reconciled” (1 Corinthians 7:11). Our society has made divorce so common and acceptable, yet it is a shameful thing before God.
- Those who pervert God’s design for marriage – As we noticed earlier, God designed marriage to be for one man and one woman for life (Matthew 19:4-6). Those who advocate for marriage between two men, two women, one man and multiple women (or vice versa) are not only guilty of fornication (unlawful sexual relations), they are also guilty of corrupting what God designed for marriage.
- Those who are abusive in marriage – Often the guilty party here is the husband, though that is not always the case. Paul told husbands, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church” (Ephesians 5:28-29). He is to “show her honor” (1 Peter 3:7), not mistreat her. A wife is also to do her husband “good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12).
- Those who disrespect their spouse – Again, husbands are to “show…honor” to their wives (1 Peter 3:7). A wife “must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). Neither spouse should belittle, mock, or speak evil of the other. Joking may be fine to an extent and correction is certainly necessary at times, but it should not cross over into disrespecting one another.
- Those who treat marriage as being unimportant – Some people spend more time and energy on their careers, hobbies, friends, and other family than they do maintaining and improving their marriage. Yet the nature of marriage as God designed it demands that it be a priority for both spouses.
It is important to note that the Hebrew writer’s statement about marriage being “held in honor” was not directed specifically to those who were married (or even those who were getting married). He said that this high view of marriage was to be shared “among all.” What groups would be included in this mandate?
- Those who are married – Husbands and wives must work to maintain and cultivate their relationship with one another as they continually strive to fulfill the roles that God has given them in marriage.
- Those who are not yet married – Whether wedding plans are being made or marriage is just a far-off possibility, those who could be husbands or wives one day should be preparing themselves for that relationship.
- Those who will never marry – While marriage has been designed by God and is a blessing for married couples and those around them, some will never get married (for various reasons) and there is no sin in that. However, those who have chosen to remain unmarried should not discourage others who would marry (provided they are following God’s plan for marriage).
- Those who used to be married (divorced, separated, widowed) – Depending on the circumstances, there may be the chance of reconciliation happening; other times it will not (death being one obvious example). However, especially in cases when one’s previous marriage was painful or traumatic, those who used to be married should be careful not to project their experiences on the relationships of others. Offering counsel can be helpful in telling someone what to watch for or avoid, but it is another matter to actively look for and point out perceived problems in someone else’s marriage because of a personal negative experience.
- Those in civil authority – In recent years, many in our society have advocated for legislation that would change the definition of marriage. This effort has been successful as same-sex “marriage” is now legally recognized in the United States. However, God has given civil authorities a particular role – to punish evildoers, protect the innocent, and maintain an environment in which we are free to serve the Lord (Romans 13:3-4; 1 Timothy 2:2). Marriage was established by God in the beginning (Genesis 2:24), long before there was any mention of human government. Therefore, rulers have no authority to change God’s definition of marriage or His laws that regulate it. Marriage should be honored as something good and not altered as if it were enacted by man-made legislation.
- Those in the church – As we strive to teach “the whole counsel of God” (Acts 20:27, NKJV), this must include teaching about the origin, design, roles, and purpose of marriage. It will also involve encouraging marriage as a good thing and providing support when difficulties arise within one’s marriage. And just as the civil authorities have no right to change God’s definition of marriage [previous point], churches also have no authority in this regard. Marriage was established by God, not by the church. Those in the church must not “exceed what is written” (1 Corinthians 4:6) in the Scriptures on this or any other topic.
Marriage was established by God in the beginning for the good of mankind. He designed it in such a way that when we follow His instructions regarding marriage, the blessings extend beyond just the couple who is married. Whether married or unmarried, we must all learn to hold marriage “in honor.”
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* For more on this, check out this article: Husbands and Wives: Distinct Roles and Responsibilities
