In the nineteenth century, it was common for preachers to travel far and wide to proclaim the gospel, often being gone from home for extended periods of time. This made for a difficult life for the wives of these men, as they were left with the sole responsibility to take care of the household while their husbands were away preaching, sometimes for months at a time.
There were also instances in which these preachers lost their wives while they still had children at home. However, that did not necessarily stop them from continuing their work. But instead of leaving the children with their mother while he was away, he would leave them with others to care for them.
Two men who found themselves in this situation were Barton W. Stone (1772-1844) and Reuben Dooly (1773-1822). In 1810, when they were both widowers, they traveled together through Ohio preaching the gospel. The following year, during a similar trek to Tennessee, Stone spoke of the difficulty in raising their children while they were away traveling. This had an impact on Dooly and led him to make a change.
“In the year 1811, Brothers Dooly and Stone traveled to Tennessee in company. On their way the circumstances of their families came up in conversation. Brother Stone remarked that they were commanded to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and under existing circumstances, it was difficult to do it for their children were measurably under the tuition of others; and further observed that it was his opinion that if they could obtain suitable companions that it would be their duty to marry and situate themselves so that they could pay some particular attention to their children. This led Brother Dooly to reflect on the situation of his children: they were scattered and moved from place to place.
“Finally he addressed a letter to Miss Rachael Martin, daughter of Samuel and Mary Martin, all members of the Cane-Ridge church, and made a proposition of marriage: he succeeded, and they were married in September, 1811. In her he obtained a pleasant, agreeable, and intelligent companion, and a kind, affectionate, and attentive mother to his children. He now settled on a new farm in Preble County, Ohio. He was not able to hire his work done; and consequently had to labor with his own hands to support his family. He was one among the most industrious men, and when at home worked excessively hard, and as soon as he could spare the time from his family, he would be out in the gospel-field proclaiming salvation to a dying world.” (The Biography of Elder David Purviance, pp. 211-212)
The importance of preaching the gospel has led men to sacrifice greatly in order to carry out this work. Paul told the Philippians, “But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ” (Philippians 3:7). In his second letter to the church in Corinth, he spoke of being “on frequent journeys…in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure” (2 Corinthians 11:26-27), not to mention the dangers and persecutions he had to endure. With examples like this, many preachers in the nineteenth century left their homes to preach the gospel. Many men today devote far more time, energy, resources, and attention to doing the work of an evangelist than the average person working a “full-time” job.
However, the apostle Paul’s situation was different from Dooly’s (and from many of the men who preach today). Paul was unmarried (1 Corinthians 7:7-8). He was not trying to raise children while traveling across the Roman Empire proclaiming “the unfathomable riches of Christ” (Ephesians 3:8). How many men today, with the best of intentions, end up sacrificing their families, even their children, so they can try to do all that Paul did?
When we have children, we have a responsibility to raise them properly. Paul wrote, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Our kids are our responsibility. We cannot pass that off to someone else because we have “more important” things to do – even if that “more important” thing is doing the work of an evangelist.
On this point, there is an important principle contained in Paul’s instruction about providing for one’s own:
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).
In context, this is about providing financially, yet the principle includes providing for one’s family in all relevant areas, including spiritually. Paul used very strong language in this verse. Failing to provide for one’s own makes one worse than an unbeliever. Under the same principle, those who neglect to raise, teach, discipline, protect, and provide for their children are wrong, even if this neglect is the result of them doing the “noble” work of preaching the gospel.
Does this mean that one should avoid preaching if he has children at home? Of course not. I began preaching when our first child was four months old. Twenty years later, our youngest is now ten years old, and I have been preaching this whole time. However, due to the responsibilities I have at this stage of my life, I cannot do what some others might be able to do (especially with regard to traveling or relocating to certain places to preach). I have to be careful in how I manage my schedule so I can make needed time for family while also doing the work involved in preaching and providing for the household. I am not unique in this. All those who preach while raising children do (or should do) the same.
Consider the contrast between Paul and Philip. While Paul was on his way to Jerusalem, he stayed with Philip in Caesarea (Acts 21:8). Paul had journeyed hundreds of miles in his preaching work. Philip had been in Caesarea since he preached to the Ethiopian eunuch (Acts 8:40) – approximately twenty years. Interestingly, Philip had “four virgin daughters” with him (Acts 21:9), and Paul, as we already noted, was unmarried and without children.
The efforts of those who travel far and wide to preach and of those who remain in one location to preach primarily in the same place are all important. Like Paul and Apollos, all who preach are working to plant and water the seed of the gospel and trusting in God to give the increase (1 Corinthians 3:6).
However, if you are a father, pay particular attention to your children. “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Even doing “the work of an evangelist” (2 Timothy 4:5) is not a legitimate excuse for neglecting them.
