The Application of Wisdom: Teachings About Women (Part 2)

After considering the warnings about the adulteress, we turn our attention to the excellent wife who is commended to us in the book of Proverbs. There are two basic points that are addressed: the blessings and the character of the excellent wife.

The Blessings of a Good Wife

Though the adulteress promises the temporary fulfillment of sexual desires without any long-term commitment (7:18), the wise man makes it clear that it is far better to seek after a good wife than to follow after the adulteress.

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness to his bones” (12:4).

A few of the passages in the book of Proverbs that discuss the blessings of the good wife make a contrast between her and the one who causes trouble for her husband. It is important to note that Solomon is not encouraging his son to marry simply for the sake of getting married. A wife who “shames” her husband “is like rottenness to his bones.” There are some women who, because of their godless, contentious, and self-absorbed character, are not worthy of consideration when one is looking for a spouse. But an “excellent wife,” if one is patient enough to find her, “is the crown of her husband.”

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (18:22).

Remembering what Solomon says in the verse previously considered (12:4), the wife being discussed in this verse is not just any wife, but is the excellent wife. In the next chapter, the wise man says, “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (19:14). One who finds such a blessing “obtains favor from the Lord.” God instituted marriage in the beginning (Genesis 2:18-24). Therefore, all blessings that come from the marriage relationship are possible because of God’s perfect plan for man and woman.

“A gracious woman attains honor, and ruthless men attain riches” (11:16).

The “gracious woman” is contrasted here with “ruthless men.” These men have already been discussed under the topic of obtaining wealth. The word “ruthless” denotes one who is terrifying, powerful, tyrannical, and even oppressive of others. The “gracious woman” is the opposite of this, in that she displays kindness toward others and does not seek to elevate herself at the expense of others. This is the type of woman who is worthy of honor, and is therefore to be sought after by one who is wisely seeking a wife.

“As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion” (11:22).

Those in the world (and many among God’s people, sadly) often place a great deal of emphasis upon physical appearance. Though a woman’s appearance may be the first thing one would notice about her, it should not be the basis of judging the quality of her character. At the end of the book of Proverbs, when the excellent wife is described, nothing is said about her appearance aside from mentioning a few materials that would be used to make clothing. But there is this warning: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain” (31:30). Beauty is fleeting and should not be our basis for passing judgment upon anyone. A woman may be beautiful on the outside, but if she “lacks discretion,” meaning she exercises poor judgment in failing to carry out her obligations before God, then her beauty is like “a ring of gold in a swine’s snout.” The ring of gold may be beautiful in itself, but it cannot make an ugly pig beautiful. In the same way, a woman’s outward appearance may be beautiful, but her physical appearance cannot make her wicked and worldly character attractive to one who values spiritual things and divine wisdom.

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands” (14:1).

This verse describes the difference between encouragement and discouragement. The wise woman – one who would make a good wife – is encouraging to others and seeks to build them up. The foolish woman – one who would make a poor wife – tears down others and is a discouragement to them.

“It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (21:9).

“A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike; he who would restrain her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand” (27:15-16).

Peter spoke of the “holy women” who lived long ago who were “submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (1 Peter 3:5-6). God has always placed the responsibility of submission upon women from the beginning when he created Eve to be “a helper suitable for” Adam (Genesis 2:18). The “contentious woman” is the opposite of the submissive wife. She is like the “constant dripping on a day of steady rain” by being a source of regular aggravation for him. Through the nagging, bickering, ridicule, antagonism, and strife she forces her husband to endure, she makes it so that he might think that he would be better off living “in a corner of a roof” (21:9; 25:24) or “in a desert land” (21:19), rather than with her. A contentious woman makes it so that it is impossible to have harmony in the home because she arrogantly wants her way rather than submitting to her husband as his “help meet” (Genesis 2:18, KJV).

“Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be yours alone and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a gracious doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love. For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a foreigner?” (5:15-20).

God designed marriage as the relationship in which a man and a woman can fulfill their sexual desires (Genesis 2:24; Hebrews 13:4). Solomon’s advice to his son in these verses is that he should be content with his wife in regard to their sexual relationship (5:15). He was not to seek out the adulteress (5:20) – we have already noticed warnings about her in other passages (5:1-14; 6:24-35; 7:1-27; 9:13-18). He warns his son not to let his “springs be dispersed abroad” (5:16), dividing his attention, support, care, and affections between his wife (to whom they should exclusively be directed) and others. He says, “Let your fountain be blessed” (5:18). A fountain refers to a source. In this context, it is the source of his life, which is his heart (cf. 4:23). His heart and his life will be blessed as he rejoices “in the wife of [his] youth” (5:18). He is to enjoy their sexual relationship and “be exhilarated always with her love” (5:19). Pursuing sexual desires outside of marriage only leads to trouble. Fulfilling sexual desires within marriage, as God intended, is a great blessing.

The Character of the Excellent Wife

Many read the passage in Proverbs 31 of the “excellent wife” or the “virtuous woman” (KJV) and assume that the wise man is describing the ideal woman who does not exist in reality. However, even though culture and technology have changed since the time of the book of Proverbs, the “excellent wife” today is going to have the same focus as the one described in the following passage – fearing God, supporting her husband, serving her family, and helping others. There can be no change in culture or technology that would rightly call for a shift in focus from these four fundamental areas. Rather than think of the “excellent wife” of Proverbs 31 as an ideal that only exists in abstract terms, women today must look at her and see how they might imitate her in their lives.

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

“She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She is like the merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hand to the distaff, and her hand grasps the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.

“Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.’ Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” (31:10-31).

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels” (31:10). In asking the question – “Who can find?” – the wise man is not saying that “an excellent wife” cannot be found. Rather, he is emphasizing the fact that such a wife is rare, and is therefore “worth…far above jewels.” Therefore, because she is so valuable, she ought to be treated as such.

“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (31:11-12). As a suitable “help meet” (Genesis 2:18, KJV), the excellent wife seeks to support her husband, rather than selfishly pursue her own ambitions and desires. Because of her consistency in this, her husband is able to trust in her, and he will prosper. One of her primary focuses is that she “does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

“She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight” (31:13). Clarke points out that the wool and flax this woman seeks for her work is not ready woven cloth, but the raw material that has likely come from her own flocks and fields. This suggests that the excellent wife is willing to work harder, rather than take short cuts, when it is prudent to do so. She is not only able, but willing to work with her hands. She does so, not grudgingly, but with joy.

“She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar” (31:14). The merchant ships would be engaged in buying, selling, and trading. The excellent wife is like them in that she is able to obtain food for her household through the goods she produces that she is able to bring to the market (cf. 31:24). She is also willing to bring “food from afar,” signifying the fact that her thoughts revolve around what is best for her family, not what is most convenient for her.

“She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens” (31:15). The fact that the excellent wife has maidens (servants) who work for her should not lead us to discount all the work that she does as being non-applicable to women today. In fact, we see that the excellent wife makes the most of her time in that she “rises…while it is still night” and sees to it that these maidens have the provisions (food) and assignments (portions) they will need for the day ahead.

“She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard” (31:16). Earlier the wise man says that this woman’s husband “trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain” (31:11). The excellent wife is willing to spend money. Yet she does not spend money selfishly on her own desires. Instead, she carefully considers a field and buys it as an investment to contribute to the family. “She plants a vineyard” from the money she earns through the sale of those products she makes with her own hands (31:24).

“She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong” (31:17). E. M. Zerr’s comments on this verse are helpful: “This woman puts a belt around her waist, not for show or ornament, but to assist her in her work for the family.” She “makes her arms strong” so that she will be ready and able to carry out the various tasks that are necessary in taking care of her household.

“She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night” (31:18). The excellent wife sees profit in the work that she does. With this positive outlook, she carries out her responsibilities, even though it often means working long hours – into the night – to care for her house.

“She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle” (31:19). This is connected with the verse earlier that describes the excellent wife as looking “for wool and flax and [working] with her hands in delight” (31:13).

“She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to be needy” (31:20). This woman is not only concerned with her family. She is also eager to help those who are less fortunate. Because of the work that she does, she is in a position to provide aid for them.

“She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple” (31:21-22). The excellent wife makes preparations so that her household is well-equipped to handle even challenging circumstances. “She is not afraid of the snow” because she prepares for it. The wise man specifically mentions her making clothing for herself. She also supplies clothing for her household, either by making it herself or by obtaining it through the fruit of her labor.

“Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land” (31:23). Being “known in the gates” and sitting “among the elders of the land” is an indication that her husband is in a place of honor and respect. This is made possible, in part, by having a good “help meet” (Genesis 2:18, KJV) who very capably fulfills her responsibilities within the home so that he can focus on his responsibilities outside of the home.

“She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen” (31:24). This woman is more than willing to contribute to her household’s income. She does so, not by leaving the home to find work elsewhere, but by doing work that is an extension of the work she is already doing within her role in the home (cf. 31:13, 19, 21-22).

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future” (31:25). The clothing mentioned here is figurative and describes her character. Because of her character, industriousness, and wise stewardship, she is able to look optimistically toward the future. As the wise man later mentions the fact that she “fears the Lord” (31:30), we can also conclude that this optimism she has is rooted in her faith in God.

“She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (31:26). The excellent wife is not only busy working with her hands and taking care of the needs of her household, she is also active in teaching others. The wisdom she teaches is not worldly wisdom, but the wisdom that comes from above. She also teaches kindness, which ought to be expected, given how she treats others.

“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness” (31:27). Most of this passage about the excellent wife describes how the she focuses on her household. This is one of her primary concerns. There are many responsibilities that come with this, so as she “looks well to the ways of her household,” she is diligent in her labor. The stereotype of the lazy housewife is nothing like the woman of this passage.

“Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all’” (31:28-29). As her focus is largely directed toward her household, particularly her husband and children, these are the ones who rise up to bless and praise her. Her husband recognizes that when compared with other women, she excels them all. She is a rare treasure (31:10) and he recognizes this, as every husband of an excellent wife should as well.

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised” (31:30). The world values charm and beauty. Yet for one to appreciate this excellent wife, he must understand what is truly important. Charm only deceives one into believing that someone is better than their character would indicate. Physical beauty means little. But this woman is worthy of praise because she “fears the Lord.” Though her service to God is barely mentioned in this passage, all the work that she does in supporting her husband, serving her family, and helping others indicates that she has a strong desire to serve the Lord and fulfill the responsibilities He has given her in the role of a wife and mother.

“Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” (31:31). The excellent wife is worthy of honor, respect, and gratitude for all the work that she does. This praise is not private, and certainly not unspoken. Instead, the praise she is due ought to be public (“in the gates”) so that all can recognize her devotion and follow her godly example.