Marriage, Jesus, and the Church

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does for the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

“This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:22-33).

The passage above is often used to discuss the roles of husbands and wives. This is certainly taught in the passage. However, there is much more to being husbands and wives than just what is discussed in those verses. But what is there is for the purpose of illustrating the main point – the relationship between Christ and the church. Notice again what Paul said, “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32).

In this article, we are going to consider what the passage says about the roles of husbands and wives. From there, we will see how this explains the relationship between Christ and the church. After we understand that, we will circle back around and make some applications for our lives – particularly as it relates to marriage.

Husbands and Wives

As the text indicates, God has made different roles for husbands and wives in marriage.

The husband is the head of the wife – “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church” (Ephesians 5:23). This means he is in a position of authority. Leadership is necessary in any organization – including the institution of marriage. Headship is not about superiority/inferiority, but about the role that God has given. Remember what Paul wrote: “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:3). Though God the Father is the head of Christ, the two are equal (John 10:30). In the same way, the husband is the head of the wife even though they are equals before God (Galatians 3:28). God has given the husband the role of leadership in the home.
The wife is to submit to her husband – “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). Since the husband is in a position of leadership in the home, the wife submits to him as the one in authority. She is his “help meet” (Genesis 2:18, KJV). The wife’s role in the home goes back to the beginning in the Garden of Eden. The Lord told Eve, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16). Paul explained that the roles of husbands and wives even today is based upon what God put in place in the beginning (1 Timothy 2:11-14).

Within those roles, there are different responsibilities that husbands and wives have toward one another. Notice what responsibilities are emphasized in the text:

The husband is to love his wife – “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church as gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Though the husband is the head, he is not to lead the house as a tyrant. He is to rule like Christ – with a sacrificial love, putting his wife first before himself. As he does this, he is to nourish and cherish his wife (Ephesians 5:28-29). Peter wrote, “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life…” (1 Peter 3:7). As the husband leads, he must do so with love for his wife.
The wife is to respect her husband – “Nevertheless…the wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). In submitting to her husband, she is to do so out of respect for him, but begrudgingly or spitefully. The word translated respect is the same word used by Peter when he told the household of Cornelius of the need to fear God (Acts 10:35). It is derived from the word used by Peter when he wrote about the responsibility of wives to demonstrate “respectful behavior” (1 Peter 3:2). Thayer defines this word as “to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience.” As the wife submits, she must do so with respect for her husband.

Also included in this passage is a reminder of the origin of marriage. Quoting from Genesis 2:24, Paul wrote, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31). In marriage, two become one. The man and woman leave their parents’ home (and their authority) and start a new home as husband and wife.

Christ and the Church

As we consider what Paul wrote in this passage, let us first notice what the marriage relationship teaches about the church.

The church is to follow the words of Christ – Paul said, “The church is subject to Christ” (Ephesians 5:24). When Jesus gave the Great Commission to His apostles, He said, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you” (Matthew 28:18-20). The authority of Christ was the basis of the teaching that would be done by the apostles. So when the church was established on the day of Pentecost, the disciples “continually [devoted] themselves to the apostles’ teaching” (Acts 2:42) because the apostles were teaching the words of Christ (cf. 1 Corinthians 14:37; 1 Thessalonians 4:2; 2 Peter 3:2). Just as the wife is to submit to her husband, the church is to submit to Christ.
The church is not to follow anyone else – Paul said, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands” (Ephesians 5:22). They were to do this because the husband was “the head of the wife” (Ephesians 5:23). Just as God designed marriage to be for one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24), the church only has one head – Christ. Therefore, the church is to submit only to Christ, not to anyone else. This is why Paul condemned the division in Corinth: “Now I mean this, that each one of you is saying, ‘I am of Paul,’ and ‘I of Apollos,’ and ‘I of Cephas,’ and ‘I of Christ.’ Has Christ been divided? Paul was not crucified for you, was he? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?” (1 Corinthians 1:12-13). We are not to divide the church by following after other men. Just as the wife is to submit to her husband alone, the church is to follow Christ alone.
Those in the church have left the world to join Christ – As Paul discussed marriage to illustrate the relationship between Christ and the church, he cited the instruction about marriage given in the beginning: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31; cf. Genesis 2:24). When we come to Christ and become part of His church, we are “rescued…from the domain of darkness, and transferred…to the kingdom of His beloved Son” (Colossians 1:13). We are to “be separate” from the world (2 Corinthians 6:17), not continue to live as though we were still part of the world (cf. 1 Peter 4:3-4). Just as the husband and wife leave their parents to start a new home together, those in the church leave the world to become part of the Lord’s kingdom.
The church is to respect Christ – In “speaking with reference to Christ and the church,” Paul said, “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:32-33). This respect goes hand in hand with obedience. We are to fear God and obey Him (Acts 10:35). Paul wrote, “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus” (Colossians 3:17). Just as the wife is to respect her husband, the church is to respect Christ through reverent obedience.

Now, consider what the marriage relationship teaches us about Jesus:

Jesus sacrificed His life for the church – Paul said, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Paul told the Ephesian elders that when Jesus died on the cross, He “purchased [the church] with His own blood” (Acts 20:28). It is important that we recognize that Jesus’ death was a willing sacrifice on His part. He said, “For this reason the Father loves Me, because I lay down My life so that I may take it again. No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again” (John 10:17-18). He did not die against His will for us. Just as the husband must love his wife sacrificially, Jesus willingly sacrificed His life for the church.
Jesus sanctified the church – Jesus gave up His life for the church “so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (Ephesians 5:26). When Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, he said they had been “sanctified in Christ Jesus” (1 Corinthians 1:2). Later in the epistle, he said, “But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:11). Their sanctification was connected with being washed. When Jesus prayed to the Father, He said, “Sanctify them in the truth, Your word is truth” (John 17:17). All of this ties in to what Paul said about “the washing of water with the word” (Ephesians 5:26). As the truth is preached, those who accept it will obey it. This obedience includes being baptized into Christ. This was what happened on the day of Pentecost when three thousand heard the gospel and were baptized (Acts 2:41). Those who respond to the preaching of the gospel by being baptized into Christ are sanctified by Christ.
Jesus makes the church holy and blameless – Through His sacrifice, Jesus can “present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:28). Those who obey the gospel and become part of the church have been forgiven of their sins (Acts 2:38). After being cleansed of sin, we are called to live to a higher standard than that of the world. Paul wrote, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). God’s intention from “before the foundation of the world” is that those in Christ “would be holy and blameless before Him” (Ephesians 1:4). Christ has forgiven us, justified us, and set us apart. However, we must be careful to continue to “walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light” so that we might be cleansed “from all sin” (1 John 1:7).
Jesus nourishes and cherishes the church – Paul said, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church” (Ephesians 5:28-29). Christ has provided a means in the church for us to continue to be built up. Paul wrote, “He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ” (Ephesians 4:11-12). We can be nourished through His word as it is taught to us. Furthermore, we see that Christ continues to show that He loves and cherishes us in that “He always lives to make intercession” for us (Hebrews 7:25).
Jesus has all authority – Paul said, “Christ also is the head of the church” (Ephesians 5:23). Again, He has been given “all authority” (Matthew 28:18). Earlier in this letter, Paul said that God seated Jesus “at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all” (Ephesians 1:20-22). Just as the husband has been given authority in leading the home, Jesus has been given all authority over the church.

Applying This to Ourselves

Understanding that the main point in the passage is the relationship between Christ and the church, let us be reminded of some important applications for us today. First, to those who are married:

Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church – In his first epistle, John wrote much about the topic of love. Consider this principle of love found in his words: “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us” (1 John 4:11-12). “If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also” (1 John 4:20-21). Though these verse emphasize the love we are to have to our brethren in general, the principle certainly applies to the love that husbands are to have for their wives specifically. Just as one cannot claim to love God without loving others, a husband cannot claim to love God without loving his wife. Notice what Peter wrote: “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way…and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). When a husband treats his wife as God expects him to keeps him in good standing before the Lord.
Wives, submit to and respect your husband as the church is to do with regard to Christ – Besides the fact that this was commanded, there are two additional reasons why wives are to treat their husbands this way. First, it positively influences her husband to obey the Lord. Peter wrote, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1). Though Peter was specifically addressing wives who had unbelieving husbands, the principle also applies to those who were married to Christians. Through her example in fulfilling her God-given role in marriage, she would encourage him to obey (or continue obeying) the Lord. Second, it keeps others from blaspheming God’s word. Paul said that young women were to be taught to be “subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored [blasphemed, KJV]” (Titus 2:5). Wives who refuse to submit to and respect their husbands, while also claiming to be Christians, are a negative influence on the world – potentially preventing others from even being willing to consider the gospel.

Before we conclude, a word to those who are not married:

Marriage is not a necessity for all Christians – The use of this illustration does not mean that marriage is required. Keep in mind that this was written by Paul who was an unmarried man. In his letter to Corinth, he wrote, “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I” (1 Corinthians 7:8). Of course, he wrote this “in view of the present distress” (1 Corinthians 7:26). In light of the situation that existed there at that time, Paul said it was better not to marry. There may be a variety of reasons why it is better for one not to marry at a given time. No sin is committed when one marries (1 Corinthians 7:28) – of course, this depends on one being eligible to marry according to God’s marriage law. But marriage is not a necessity for all Christians and one is not a second-class citizen in the kingdom if he/she is single.
Develop the proper character – Whether you ever marry or not, have the type of character that is described in this passage – loving and submissive. Paul wrote, “Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves” (2 Corinthians 13:5). All of us need to do this. As we have emphasized the importance of married individuals demonstrating these characteristics, those who are not married must not think that they can neglect them. All Christians, married or not, are to be loving (1 John 4:7) and submissive (Ephesians 5:21).
Do not marry if it will jeopardize your soul – If you marry, look for a mate that will complement you in this – one who is loving and submissive. Paul wrote, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Though this verse is not talking exclusively about marriage, it does apply in principle. While one does not necessarily sin by marrying a non-Christian, more often then not, there will be trouble later because the two are not of one mind spiritually. While it is true that a believing spouse could lead an unbelieving spouse to the truth (1 Peter 3:1), that does not always happen. Too often, the influence of the unbelieving spouse leads the believing spouse away from the Lord (1 Corinthians 15:33). As much of a blessing as marriage is, it is not more valuable than one’s soul.

Conclusion

Marriage is a great blessing; but more than just that, marriage also teaches us about Christ and the church. We may marry, or we may not. Either way, we must submit to Christ and be part of His church. Our salvation depends on it (Ephesians 5:23).